A lot going on here Free (I am a rocket scientist). Just to be loved for you. That the path- alone essentially is hard- but you have achieved so much.
I am learning VERY slowly to expect nothing from others- that my own peace has to lie withon my soul. By me - for me. Mind- I do talk to myself a lot and get very yeary at things that remind me of stuff. The only moment any of us have- is now. The past is gone. All I can do- is live in the moment- try to work out what that f&cking term 'self love' means and plan for a positive future- with no one to rescue.
My empathy and support to you.