Originally Posted by
zoso77 
Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what has brought you here, and I'm sorry that you're suffering so.
So, how do you move on? The answer is, at once, easy and difficult.
The first thing you have to do is decide that you're done, and you have to hold firm to that decision. And that's going to be difficult. You're still going to think about him. You're still going to miss him. You'll be tempted to reach out to him. But if you do, you need to understand that you're setting yourself back. If there's one thing I've learned about moving on from an addict, it's that there are times in this life where we're going to emotionally suffer. And we have to ride it out. Some days are easier than others. What's important, though, is that even if you don't feel like it, you need to go through the day-to-day motions in your life.
If you do this, one good day turns into two good days. Then two good days turns into three good days. Occasionally, you'll have a bad day. The deal that you have to cut with yourself is to accept that's how you feel at that moment on that day, and just because you feel that today doesn't mean you'll feel that tomorrow.
Anyways...about seven months after I broke up with my then AGF, I posted this:
Read it. See if any of it resonates with you. Keep posting, keep reaching out, and keep pushing forward. You'll get through this, in time.
Your post is really great. I'll have to keep reading it and using it to move forward.
Each week has been getting better. I'll have a couple of really good days and then tank for some reason. I know eventually I'll get there 100%.
I've gone through so many emotions. Another I have been having is feeling guilty for living my life. I don't know why - it's so stupid. I have always been kind of an active person and go out a lot. I've felt guilty anytime I do anything.
I've been trying to tell myself this person can't love you the way a person needs to be loved. Not only did he not care if I had anything to eat when we were together, he would act annoyed when I would ask us to go through a drive-thru after not eating ALL day and now it's 4:30 PM...because he's never hungry from being dope-sick or possibly high. Or I suspected he doesn't eat so his pills feel stronger when he takes them. Most boyfriends I had in the past wanted to take you out to lunch or breakfast or cook for you. They wanted to plan to do things together and call you just to see how your day was. I keep trying to tell myself he doesn't know how to love someone.