Also on this topic, let me paraphrase something I heard in a guided meditation recently:
"Totally cutting yourself off from the past, from experiences you had, seeking to forget completely, is amputation, not healing. True healing is when you're able to take those experiences and memories and incorporate them into your growth as you go forward, to become stronger, wiser and kinder as a result of having lived through them."
It was a powerful statement to me. I don't know that it always holds true, especially in cases of abuse/violence, but in my situation, I think it carries some weight.
I know that in the earliest days of my recovery, I didn't understand the difference between amputation and healing. I just wanted the pain and anger to stop, and removing all reminders of the person and situation I believed was responsible seemed like the way to accomplish that.
Now that I've gotten a little further down the road, I do see how amputation and healing differ, and how, at least for me, amputation will not facilitate healing. I spent 20+ years w/XAH, and even if I did a lot wrong and failed in a lot of ways, 20 years is a hell of a lot of time and experience to just flush away. There were good lessons and good times in there, and if I can carry them forward and use them to make life better now, then it wasn't all for naught...