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To delete or not to delete...

Old 04-27-2017, 05:42 AM
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To delete or not to delete...

Hi all -

Opinions, please. As the primary photographer of family events for the past 18 years before I left XAH, I have thousands of photos of people, places, and things we experienced together . My old Mac is doing nothing but holding these photos, so it's time for me to get rid of it.

I originally considered just copying all the pics to flash drives, but then thought, why? Do I want to look at old vacation pictures? Birthday parties? Places we lived? Right now, I don't. I have no children who may want them, so, do I need to keep them?

I also thought about copying some to a flash drive to give to XAH...pictures of him and his daughter mostly (definitely nothing with me in them or pics of "that time we went to xyz").

If one of you were asking, I could easily say, "Delete them all! Those times are over!" But...I am feeling very emotional about doing that, which is not like me.

So, I'd like your opinions. For those that are further along the road than I am, what did you do - keep or delete? If you deleted, do you regret doing that?

Thanks, SR friends.
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Old 04-27-2017, 05:46 AM
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I kept my pictures. It's been 25 years, I think I've looked at them once.

Your mileage may vary. . .and mine are on paper in an album/pre computer. The pictures I've lost due to computer failure I don't miss, but there is always a moment of sadness when something is no longer in my possession, whether I throw it out or it gets lost. It passes.
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Old 04-27-2017, 05:47 AM
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I would save to a flash drive.

Certainly in 18 years there are pics in there that have nothing to do with him. And while yo think you may not want to revisit - 18 years is a really long time of life to just delete. Sounds like you aren't ready to go through them. I can't say whether you should give to him or not I am not sure what the relationship is. That's something you can also decide to do later as well.
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Old 04-27-2017, 06:24 AM
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If one of you were asking, I could easily say, "Delete them all! Those times are over!" But...I am feeling very emotional about doing that, which is not like me.
Save to a flash drive and get rid of the computer.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:13 AM
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I kept some of mine, I tossed the triggering ones - where xabf was clearly drunk and I look miserable, or hes sober and miserable and I look all happy - GARBAGE - all of those.

But our experiences, our trips, our adventures, I kept those. They were at times fun, I caught some big fish, and I saw parts of the country I hadn't seen, we build a big nice yard / pond / garden, and that stuff is pretty cool.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:36 AM
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Shortly after my divorce from XAH was final, I threw out a box of mementos/photos. My thought process was "that is all PAST. I am starting NEW. No need for this."

I've since wished I had just set it aside and looked through it when I'd had some time to settle down and was thinking more clearly. I met him when I was working as a bike messenger and I tossed all that stuff. In time since then, I've wished I kept that stuff--I mean, how many people get to be bike messengers? It was a very cool time in my life, but now i had trashed all my physical reminders of it, even though I'd worked the job for 3 years before he came on the scene.

So my opinion would be to save it but set it aside, make the final decision later.
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Old 04-27-2017, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by atalose View Post
Save to a flash drive and get rid of the computer.
^^^^^^ my vote, too.

Someday, you won't be so emotional about them and then you can decide.

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Old 04-27-2017, 12:16 PM
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Also on this topic, let me paraphrase something I heard in a guided meditation recently:

"Totally cutting yourself off from the past, from experiences you had, seeking to forget completely, is amputation, not healing. True healing is when you're able to take those experiences and memories and incorporate them into your growth as you go forward, to become stronger, wiser and kinder as a result of having lived through them."

It was a powerful statement to me. I don't know that it always holds true, especially in cases of abuse/violence, but in my situation, I think it carries some weight.

I know that in the earliest days of my recovery, I didn't understand the difference between amputation and healing. I just wanted the pain and anger to stop, and removing all reminders of the person and situation I believed was responsible seemed like the way to accomplish that.

Now that I've gotten a little further down the road, I do see how amputation and healing differ, and how, at least for me, amputation will not facilitate healing. I spent 20+ years w/XAH, and even if I did a lot wrong and failed in a lot of ways, 20 years is a hell of a lot of time and experience to just flush away. There were good lessons and good times in there, and if I can carry them forward and use them to make life better now, then it wasn't all for naught...
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Old 04-27-2017, 12:34 PM
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delete them completely and possibly regret it some day
or
put em on a flashdrive and put it in a drawer( im really not sure what a flashdrive is- could they be put in a drawer?) where ya might want to do something with em in the future.
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Old 04-27-2017, 01:14 PM
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I needed a photo of my ex for identification for legal purposes, and regretted I had torn up the most recent one. Had to make do with some that were 15 years old, but at least they were acceptable and I still had them.
Wished my lawyer had advised me that a photo would be required at some point.
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Old 04-27-2017, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
delete them completely and possibly regret it some day
or
put em on a flashdrive and put it in a drawer( im really not sure what a flashdrive is- could they be put in a drawer?) where ya might want to do something with em in the future.
You could put a few hundred in the drawer, lol--they are the the little things that go on a keychain and plug into the USB port on your computer--AKA thumb drive or USB drive.
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Old 04-27-2017, 03:47 PM
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I had a counsellor who 9strangely perhaps0 shared a VERY traumatic history with someone. This someone had, when she was young sent her a very hurtful letter. She just knew after years it was time to throw it out- because she did not need to keep reading it anymore.

BUT- if you have kids- or family, the flashdrive option sounds okay was well.
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Old 04-27-2017, 04:58 PM
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If you copy those photos onto a flash drive, you may want to check on them every couple years to make sure you can connect that flash drive onto a computer.

You don't want to have valuable data stored with obsolete technology. I have some data on an Iomega Zip drive. Remember those?
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Old 04-27-2017, 05:05 PM
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better to have them and not need them, then to need them and not have them

back them up, label it clearly, store it out of sight
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Old 04-27-2017, 05:07 PM
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I'm ..with PuzzledHeart on this.....there will probably be a time when all computers are obsolete and gone.....I wouldn't trust obsolete technology....
Remember scrapbooks/photo albums? They work...
You can, also take them to a photo shop and they will make an album for you....
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Old 04-27-2017, 05:10 PM
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true technology hardware will always become outdated. backing them up to a cloud service is your best way of ensuring they are future proof
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Old 04-27-2017, 06:52 PM
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I would vote to save them on a flash drive and put it away.
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Old 04-27-2017, 07:14 PM
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Most would say I am nuts but....

I burned all the wedding photos with XAH in a fire pit. There was some finality to it - and I don't regret burning them. It was cleansing. I gave some photos to XAH. Walked into his moms basement once - to find family photos all over the place. Creepy.

I do, however, have negatives of wedding pictures. I kept all non -wedding pics on a shared drive, but purged all of the pictures with XAH in it from social media.

Bottom line - do whatever strikes your fancy, they are just pictures.
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