Dear Exhausted Pigeon,
Yes! Exactly! These feelings are totally familiar to me and are exactly my experience. I venture to say lots of others here feel or have felt the same thing. That is the comfort in posting here. None of us are alone. Here we find others who share our same journey.
Exhausted Pigeon, I am on finishing day 13 of sobriety. It has been very hard and still is, but i am also starting to feel a little bit better. I still think I could slip up any minute, but I find reading the posts and responding to some very helpful to get through.
You have come to join us on this journey so that is my suggestion for you. Read and post. You will find many who share your journey.
Also, it is awesome that you have recognized this at 26. I wish I had. As someone thirty years older, who has spent their life drinking, let me assure you that you are not missing anything if you never drink again. I.n fact,, what will happen is that your life will get better than you can ever imagine. If you keep drinking, you might end up like me...someone how looks back at her life and wishes she had woken up in her twenties and changed direction...someone who feels like she wasted her life on alcohol. You are blessed that you have a chance to not let this happen to you!