Welcome EP. Glad you are here. Yes that Sounds very familiar. I have been in and out of detox, hospitals, jail and AA for the last 8 years or so. I finally completely surrendered once and for all 26 days ago when I wound up dehydrated in the hospital after my last bender and now I go to almost 1 meeting a day. The meetings and working the steps have been working for me. Have you ever tried a meeting?