"He's been struggling with addiction for years, since 16 or 17 years old. He's been an addict since we met.
I thought I could fix him, you know? This great person who just couldn't handle his issues. We would work through them together and I would be his rock. His reason to change..."
Hi there Bee,
Your story is so similar to mine. I too, met my AH who was the most wonderful person, the love of my life. He had been an addict since his teens. He said he wanted to quit doing drugs when we met, and I thought just like you, that I could help him and that he would change for me, for us, our life. Didn't work. Thing was he relapsed behind my back and died. I don't mean to hijack your thread by telling my story, just want to give you my background in order for you to understand what I mean.
What I've learnt by the people on this board is that you can't change anyone but yourself. My AH wanted to do drugs and there was nothing I could do to change that. Foolishly enough I though I could. You can't do anything to make him quit. He will quit when he decides that he wants to do so, if that ever happens. There's nothing you can do to get him there. You will only crash and burn with him. That's what I'm doing because of my husband. If I knew what my AH was up to, and if I knew what I know about drugs now I would have acted differently. I should have taken care of me and detached and worked on my co-dependancy. If I had done that I wouldn't be where I am today, suffering in every way imaginable.
My AH would have ended up the way he did with or without me in his life. It's hard loving an addict because we know there's a person in there, a person we love so dearly but the drugs alter their minds and turn them into someone we cannot even recognize. The only thing we can do then is to detach and hope they will change. Staying by their side will only make us crash and burn along with them. Please, do think of your children. They shouldn't be seeing him in that condition.
I hope I wasn't to harsh on you, just talking out of my painful experience
Sending you hugs and prayers