Sorry you are going through this.
Friend shall zip it (and this needs to be communicated). Sorry if I am too blunt - but you don't love him - you are addicted to idea of what could have been and use a few good moments of intermittent reinforcement as a back up story.
I had a friend, and my own mother as well express a hope that XAH will find a good woman to take care of him. Because he is all destitute etc. Poor thing. I told mom to keep her genius thoughts to herself. Somehow she is not concerned about me "finding a good man". Lol. I definitely have FOO issues alright.
What helped me to fight temptation to call him and ask for answers etc was a list of "why I am divorcing him" things. It was incredibly powerful tool.
Have you checked out Al-Anon? Although you are no longer with your "qualifier" - I have a feeling you may find it useful.
And dump that friend - did I mention that already?
