Thank you everyone who has responded...
Hi
This is Scott... I am not the person with the addiction... it is our oldest son. In any case I felt I should try to be clearer... Mani and I have been a couple for a year now. We have taken responsibility to help our combined children. That numbers seven. 2 are over 18. The youngest is 9.
But I digress... The oldest boy is needing treatment... as well as his brother, the later being a minor we are on top of that. Now, the oldest is facing serious charges and we feel we can take advantage of the situation... He is very ripe for the picking so to say. That said; our oldest son who is 20 years old, no insurance and no one has or is willing to put any more investment into what the rest of the family feels is a lost cause. This may or may not be true. But as we are in a position to try we are going to try to get him to put himself into treatment. he has shown a side of him that wants a better life so very much. Unfortunately he also goes into the "cycle" and starts using. Once that starts it is a week or 2 before he is back agian at the point of shame and self loathing. He would be able to make payments after getting himself straightened out, he does tend to follow through with contracts... but I can not guarantee it. Mani is his biological mother who is watching as I type. I am stepping up as a support for her journey in this matter. We are very familliar with the community of Alanon, etc. The problem for us is New Mexico. This is a state that doesn't want to spend money on these issues until it is too late. Then the courts get involved and no treatment starts until you have done your time. Not that any state likes to spend money. Our son is not capable of doing this on his own. We are not too sure if he is as ready as he needs to be, lets face it "bottom" is a different place for each of us. So we have to decide... since he has been circumventing our work with his minor brother, by buying booze and other substances, telling him how much better his world is, etc. they need to be seperated... removing each others support in addiction. The courts have made it so both can be prosecuted for having contact. The court knows this has not worked. They continue to find the holes and slip through them. So, all we can do is ignore it and wait the 6 months for the younger one to be 18 and send hm on his way, let them find bottom together. Or we can press charges and pile on the criminal charges coming down the pike for the oldest. Or perhaps something else? In New Mexico the youth shelters are only for 1 month (according to the drug court and others in the system) so we can not put the 17 year old out of the home...
Anyway, the problem has been holding us back, and even though we have support from the system, the "enemy" is in our house and community. We have followed the directions of the experts for some time who now say that it is a bigger and more difficult situation. We do the work, but without the boys acceptance. Until they desire this change we are at war in our home and community. That is the latest from the support system set up in our community of families with addictions. What can you do after following all the resources are shown to be ineffective? Well I guess it means that these boys want their addictions. So, please keep in mind we have been dealing with this for several years using all the resources available in our community. It would take a book to list it all here and we have done some 3 times.Please refrain from any more advice in this area. We are here as our community is not capable of dealing with the level of determination and damage these boys have. We need to step up the ladder so to say for a longer veiw. This is not unique, I know there are many others who have sadly watched as the addictions in our kids slowly kill them. We understand how much these kids must want to have change... But before we say to them that we can not watch from such a close place and send them away to deal with it on their own, we are giving it a "last" shot in the dark. I am hoping (as mani) that we can find the target in all the smoke and mirrors.
Thank you for your patience in this matter, the length, and understanding of our pragmatic approach in this matter...
Scott and Mani