Originally Posted by
FourSeasons 
...
I need to figure out why I consistently self-sabotage myself.
Why am I so scared to move forward?
Why???
You realize what this does? Asking Why? in these seemingly paradoxical and senseless situations renders you helpless, because there is no answer. Why? makes you the victim of things you don't understand. Playing the victim by feeling puzzled in the face of this "I just can't figure out what's going on" Why? isn't the way out.
Right now if I were you, in my opinion, in my personal experience, I'd start asking What?
What kind of program can I put together to stop this repeating sequence of feelings?
I get it, things get better and it makes you painfully uncomfortable. The question is, What kind of help can you get and what can you do to live with the emotions and keep going?
And I sure wouldn't try to get through it on my own.