Why?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Why?
I’ve been struggling with sobriety for a very long time … (no secret… I’ve been a member here for quite some time…)
When I drink, things get bad.
When I don’t drink, things get good.
The moment I stop drinking, even if it is for only 48 hours, my life improves substantially.
I need to figure out why I consistently self-sabotage myself.
Why am I so scared to move forward?
Why???
When I drink, things get bad.
When I don’t drink, things get good.
The moment I stop drinking, even if it is for only 48 hours, my life improves substantially.
I need to figure out why I consistently self-sabotage myself.
Why am I so scared to move forward?
Why???
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,206
Wouldn't it make more sense to figure out how to stop the sabotage?
i spent a lot of time trying to figure out why...time that ended up not exactly wasted, as i did get some self-knowledge, but: a much better use of my time was to do the stuff that needed doing in order to stop.
ultimately, grappling with the why was something that allowed me to just keep drinking; a tactic which cleverly said: can't quit until i know why i do it.
false reasoning .
i spent a lot of time trying to figure out why...time that ended up not exactly wasted, as i did get some self-knowledge, but: a much better use of my time was to do the stuff that needed doing in order to stop.
ultimately, grappling with the why was something that allowed me to just keep drinking; a tactic which cleverly said: can't quit until i know why i do it.
false reasoning .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Thank-you. I really do appreciate your advice.
My question is... 'How do I deal with life when things get remarkably better within a very short period of time?'
That is what happens to me everytime I stop drinking.
I find it overwhelming and then I feel I'm sitting on the sidelines waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from under my feet.
OK...
I got issues...
My question is... 'How do I deal with life when things get remarkably better within a very short period of time?'
That is what happens to me everytime I stop drinking.
I find it overwhelming and then I feel I'm sitting on the sidelines waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from under my feet.
OK...
I got issues...
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
For me personally, a big part of moving forward was accepting that I would probably never know "why" I am an alcoholic. Same thing with my anxiety....I'll most likely never know exactly why I have it....but I do have it. This allowed me to move foreword and get help for both areas in my life...and focus on solutions.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by FourSeasons 
...
I need to figure out why I consistently self-sabotage myself.
Why am I so scared to move forward?
Why???
I need to figure out why I consistently self-sabotage myself.
Why am I so scared to move forward?
Why???
Right now if I were you, in my opinion, in my personal experience, I'd start asking What?
What kind of program can I put together to stop this repeating sequence of feelings?
I get it, things get better and it makes you painfully uncomfortable. The question is, What kind of help can you get and what can you do to live with the emotions and keep going?
And I sure wouldn't try to get through it on my own.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,955
Originally Posted by FourSeasons
Thank-you. I really do appreciate your advice.
My question is... 'How do I deal with life when things get remarkably better within a very short period of time?'
That is what happens to me everytime I stop drinking.
I find it overwhelming and then I feel I'm sitting on the sidelines waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from under my feet.
OK...
I got issues...
My question is... 'How do I deal with life when things get remarkably better within a very short period of time?'
That is what happens to me everytime I stop drinking.
I find it overwhelming and then I feel I'm sitting on the sidelines waiting for the carpet to be pulled out from under my feet.
OK...
I got issues...
I read that when problem drinkers quit drinking, the problems end. When alcoholics quit drinking, the problems begin.
If your problem is alcoholism, there is a solution. Have you ever tried to apply it?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by MarkTwain
You realize what this does? Asking Why? in these seemingly paradoxical and senseless situations renders you helpless, because there is no answer. Why? makes you the victim of things you don't understand. Playing the victim by feeling puzzled in the face of this "I just can't figure out what's going on" Why? isn't the way out.
Thank you MarkTwain! This was very helpful to me at this moment.
Right now if I were you, in my opinion, in my personal experience, I'd start asking What?
What kind of program can I put together to stop this repeating sequence of feelings?
I get it, things get better and it makes you painfully uncomfortable. The question is, What kind of help can you get and what can you do to live with the emotions and keep going?
And I sure wouldn't try to get through it on my own.
Thank you MarkTwain! This was very helpful to me at this moment.
Right now if I were you, in my opinion, in my personal experience, I'd start asking What?
What kind of program can I put together to stop this repeating sequence of feelings?
I get it, things get better and it makes you painfully uncomfortable. The question is, What kind of help can you get and what can you do to live with the emotions and keep going?
And I sure wouldn't try to get through it on my own.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by FourSeasons
I need to figure out why I consistently self-sabotage myself.
Why am I so scared to move forward?
Why???
there ARE answers AND solutions.
for me
fear of success. because with success comes the possibility of failure.
low self esteem- didn't feel I was worth a good life.
low self worth- same as above.
just to name a few
I couldn't learn that,though, until I had stopped drinking and was sober for a while. the answer and solutions didn't come about by just putting the plug in the jug. I worked a program of recovery and that program for me was AA
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 26,797
FOR me- it was because alcohol was my routine. ANY routine- regardless of how crappy is difficult to change. In my limited experiences with the world- I have noticed it is a common trait amongst Alcies- to hate change. Even seating arrangements at meeting- or the length of time people share. Some even time the shares on their smart phones and if people go over- they get a very loud ring reminder. Mindful positive affirmations- tell yourself 'this is good'. Any change is hard. For me the harder something positive for me to do is- the better the outcome. Support to you, keep posting.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,346
If I have the flu, or an infection a high fever is symptomatic of underlying issues. For alcoholics, drinking is the fever........
Unfortunately for me, the part about things getting better quickly when I quit for a bit stopped. After banging my head hard enough, long enough I sought help.
I couldn't think my way out of alcoholism.
Unfortunately for me, the part about things getting better quickly when I quit for a bit stopped. After banging my head hard enough, long enough I sought help.
I couldn't think my way out of alcoholism.
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