thotful

My AF has never met my 1.5 years old daughter. I've made all kinds of effort with offers, which was met with nothing and I don't know why. I cut-out several siblings from my life. They were being emotional abusive and disapproving of my marriage, and I set the boundary of 'we either work this out, or there's no relationship' - as such, I refused to attend my parents "family" get-togethers. Maybe this upset my father?

Anyways, with much time gone by and no contact, my counselor suggested that I write my father a letter...saying goodbye. woof...

So, I write the letter. It talks about how absent he has been my entire life. And what has changed? Did I just stop calling? Did he ever call? I couldn't remember what things he had ever attended as a child - not a swim meet - not a play - not a poetry reading. Nothing. If he had, he would say nothing about it. It was like I was an invisible person in his house. I often felt that way.

My major component was that he has chosen to die on me - certainly psychologically, but possibly physically as well. With a mini-stroke, and drinking daily along with blood pressure medication, he's got one foot in the grave.

My counselor floored me when he said, "send it to your Dad". I was like, "wait, wasn't this a burn letter?" -- "nope" lol...

He advised that I bring it to my Dad physically. Just hand it to him and leave. Go to his work. After I edited the letter (added some positive stuff like my recovery work and asking him if he would seek treatment), I was ready. I dropped by his work and it happened to be closed at that time. Oh well, I didn't really want to see him - it often feels like a waste when it seems like I get more conversation when talking at a brick wall. I mailed the letter to his work (both myself and my counselor had concern my mother would intercept the letter and destroy it if mailed to their home).

That was a month ago. No response.

In the beginning, I point out that he has never met our little one. What about this offer? that one? Why didn't you even respond when I asked you to fill out the grandparents section of our baby book? It would seem that you no longer want me in your life. I feel sad about it, but I need to take care of me and my family now.

So, what will it be? I asked if the next time I hear from him will be a sibling calling me to tell me he'd died and denying it had anything to do with alcohol.

Trying to cope with this. Familiar to anyone. I have 6 bros and 1 sis. It seems like so many hate what I'm doing and what I'm pointing out. Only my sis is supportive. With much of my family I often feel so alone.

So, I said goodybe. And perhaps his response is the same thing I've heard all of my life from him. Nothing. Nothing at all.