Hi,
I'm glad you decided to post! And welcome.
My story is very much the same as everyone else's here. My spouse of 14 years was a very nasty, and abusive alcoholic!
I'm older too, and couldn't see my life without him, but realized that my AH was no longer the man I married.
I think, I had protected him for so long, that I forgot about me, and that I was important too!!
This forum is so supportive, and helped me to start my journey to begin focusing on me, and that I was important.
For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel so alone.
I hope you continue to post.
Take care of yourself!
Z