Thanks for your replies. They help.
I need to acknowledge that one night drinking might be great but that it'll lead to another and another. And I'll end up how I was. Over a year without a single alcohol free night.
I don't know how I managed even one night stopping drinking in March. I had made hundreds of promises to quit before then but had talked myself into drinking come 8pm.
I cherish my days sober. I look at what I've accomplished in this short time. I have planted a flower garden. I created a piece of art I'm proud of. I have lost 12lbs. I'm not as angry. I'm addressing my health concerns. I have been told i look 'radiant'. I am making extra money working mornings at the weekend. I have made a new friend who I exercise with. Listing it makes me excited for my sobriety. Thanks for helping me straighten out my thoughts.