Hi Hum,
I drank for 40 years, then struggled for a long time to 'get Sober & Free' after my wife said she didn't want me coming home 'drinking' anymore. That started a long process. A lot of my behaviors were alcohol induced, or alcohol motivated, including online sex sites. However, the ONLY thing that eventually got me Sober & Free was actually working the 12 Steps of AA. Just hanging around meetings was definitely a positive influence, and was the only way I was exposed to the Steps, But My Extreme Self-Gratifying Behaviors did not get revealed to me, and did not have a chance of being changed, until I worked the 12 Steps.
However, thru doing the WORK of the 12 Steps, everything in me was transformed in ways I could never have imagined, and YES, my behaviors changed Because of the Transformation.
So, from my perspective, I suggest being cautious, because even though the concept of Alcoholism being a 'disease' may be problematic, in me it was DEFINITELY a condition that caused a disease of Perception, and a condition of being diseased Spiritually.
So, my suggestion (based only on my experience) would be to consider asking him if he is actually Working thru the 12 Steps of AA with a Sponsor. If he is, maybe see if he and his Sponsor would be willing to meet with you periodically as he works thru the Steps, and have discussion meetings to see how ' the rubber is meeting the road'.
And Pray ... I suggest prayers asking God to bring 'internal visions' of how He would enact positive paths of Renewal, starting from Here, and developing thru a process of Renewal. It can actually be a fantastic adventure, being directly involved with God, traversing thru life on an unfolding process ...
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U and your Hubby can B 2