I am on day 3. Last two days were challenging as I explained in my prior post. Lots of sweating, chills, exhausted,... But this morning, finally, I wake up feeling better. I took my dog for a nice walk. Took a shower, a little breakfast,... Got in the car to drive for work and in the car, again, the little voice... Sure would be nice to have a few drinks just to ease in the day... Not sure if it is because while in the car, I happened to open a bill (a new one...) and saw the amount I owed... Is it what triggered it? Or the fact that I need to go to the dentist ASAP and have no money right now... I am 51 and I can't believe that I am still getting myself into this crazy mess. I am scared. Feel like i will never be able to stop. That I am one of these people too sick, too dishonest, too lost... Most of my life has been out of control. I should have been dead a long time ago... Hoping to hang on and not take my lunch break to go to ABC... Again...
