futureve

I am on day 3. Last two days were challenging as I explained in my prior post. Lots of sweating, chills, exhausted,... But this morning, finally, I wake up feeling better. I took my dog for a nice walk. Took a shower, a little breakfast,... Got in the car to drive for work and in the car, again, the little voice... Sure would be nice to have a few drinks just to ease in the day... Not sure if it is because while in the car, I happened to open a bill (a new one...) and saw the amount I owed... Is it what triggered it? Or the fact that I need to go to the dentist ASAP and have no money right now... I am 51 and I can't believe that I am still getting myself into this crazy mess. I am scared. Feel like i will never be able to stop. That I am one of these people too sick, too dishonest, too lost... Most of my life has been out of control. I should have been dead a long time ago... Hoping to hang on and not take my lunch break to go to ABC... Again...

Robinz

Sounds like your day started off great. I hope the end of your day ends just as good
If you don't drink you can feel proud and strong

MsCooterBrown

Hang in there. I am born into the pit of addiction and despair. I was an insatiable smoker. YEARS of abuse. I kept on it. Relapse. Start again...gain some more days...RELAPSE...F%CK this I WILL DO THIS...repeat. Finally I am looking at four years off the smokes on Halloween this year. I do the same with my alcohol addiction. You lose...when you quit trying. <3

Forward12

It's best to play the tape forward in these situations. What will happen if you drink?
You'll feel like crap
withdrawal again
full of shame and regret
nothing will be better,.. and the laundry list goes on.

Maybe try hitting up an AA meeting this evening and give it a go.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Binge drinking makes withdrawals worse. My withdrawals went from a couple days to two weeks over the course of a couple years. It's Russian Roulette. Everyone is different.

Take it from me: the last one was the last one for this reason.

tomsteve

could be what triggered it is years of opening mail and the solution was drink. in other words, you haven't learned new coping skills YET.

"That I am one of these people too sick, too dishonest, too lost... "

rephrase that- you WERE one of those people.now you are starting to learn how to be honest, healthy, and found. you aren't lost. you are right where you need to be.you are learning a new life and one day will feel blessed to have lived 2 lives.

when you 1st started driving, did you just jump behind the wheel of a car and have it all down pat? did you just automatically know how to drive? or did you have to learn?

ImReadyToQuit

We will all quit one day.. The choice is whether you are alive or not. One day at a time brother.

Clean30

Drinking is really fun for that little moment in time which last about 1 to 2 hours? Then its playing catch up to what you had and you never get it and then you're looking at days/weeks of recovery after a binge.

It sucks because I had high hopes with drinking. I really thought it was the way to live. But now the rude awakening has set in and we all must find natural healthy ways to feel happy.

puddlejumper70

I know all too well the misery of withdrawals. The chills, shaking, physical pain, despair. Do you want to go through that again?

I can sympathize/empathize with everything you're saying, but you have to knuckle down and man up sometime... why not now?

I remember getting credit card statements in the mail and having the feeling of ice water being poured down my spine not knowing what the balance would be. But it was what it was, and in your case it is what it is. Just face it down and stop running. You'll be surprised how soon things will get better.

Wholesome

Got in the car to drive for work and in the car, again, the little voice... Sure would be nice to have a few drinks just to ease in the day

That voice is your AV and is a liar. Challenge that voice. That is not your authentic self and you know it.

Dee74

Posting here daily, and multiple times a day, really helped me break out of the 'quit for a few days and drink some more' cycle, Eve

If you don't have anything to talk about for yourself I found helping other people here was good too - it focused me on recovery

D

Gottalife

My sponsor had the experience of setting off in his car to go shopping, work, or visits someone, and coming to in the car park for the bottle store. Not drunk, just that the car seemed to go on autopilot. It seems these thoughts can be so subtle they are almost unconscious. I had a similar problem when I first tried to stop. Seldom got past one day, and often found myself drinking with no memory of how I got started.

The only thing that seemed to change that was when I got serious about the AA program.

bloss

yes, those urges come from nowhere, it seems. Just hang in there, you don't have to listen to the "voice". Never too late to stop, while you are alive. I was 56 and had tried many times to quit. Never too late, just don't take the first drink, no matter what.