Originally Posted by
zenchaser 
As I was standing there I was aware of the fact that I was doing the shifting technique and I allowed all the thoughts to happen, and with relief, I handed the beer off to my bf. It felt like a test and afterward my AV was quiet.
I believe that you failed to recognize the AV behind this "test" idea. The Beast would love for you to think of the Big Plan as an experiment, an endless series of "tests" to see how it goes not drinking -- but no guarantees.
The idea of a "test" is the AV, the very same mentality that is behind the "just for today" tentative abstinence scheme. That "sense of relief" is also the AV, because it is essentially anxiety over the possibility of 'failing' the test. It all points to the possibility drinking some more alcohol.
The cardinal rule of addiction is "never say never" to the possible future use of alcohol and other drugs, and so the Beast seeks ways to retain the precious Option to drink or use some more in the future.
Originally Posted by
zenchaser I obviously need more practice or else I'm not doing it right because once that happened for a few minutes I was not in control or at least I didn't feel like I was. It did feel like my beast pounced on me.
This feeling that you need "more practice" before you figure out precisely how to not swallow any more alcohol is a variation of the "test" idea, and is Addictive Voice. Not swallowing any more alcohol is about not doing anything at all, about not taking any action whatsoever.
A large part of the AV's smoke screen, which keeps the addiction alive, is the illusion that
not doing anything requires effort and practice. How much effort does not doing anything at all require?
Originally Posted by
zenchaser Once I come back to my senses my AV quieted right down again, there haven't been any real cravings. I didn't want to drink at the time of the incident and I don't want to now.
What if there were real cravings?
What then? Would you drink?
Whose problem would those cravings be?
Your problem, or your Beast's problem?
Originally Posted by
zenchaser I did toy with thoughts of drinking in the lobby with that beer in hand, I even smelled it, part of me really wanted it, the part that is angry that the party is over forever, that is fearful.
There is absolutely no separation here, zenchaser.
Your Beast toyed with thoughts of drinking in the lobby, and IT is angry that the party is over, and IT fears a lifetime of deprivation of ITs precious stuff.
If I may borrow a snippet from an explanation by tursiops999 in another thread:
Originally Posted by
tursiops999 ... recognizing is the key -- recognizing and "dissociating", but not suppressing or arguing. The beast and it's bark are going to continue to exist...
It wants to meld it's identity with mine. My job is to recognize when it's trying to do that, and remember who I am.
See:
Melding
Originally Posted by
zenchaser I should not be going into it wondering if I will win the debate. I shouldn't be allowing the debate to go on in the first place.
When the Beast pipes up and feels deprived, that is
not your problem, but, rather, the Beast's problem. The Beast will argue both sides of all arguments anyway, and the conversation will never end, so don't converse with the prisoner. The "R" in AVRT stands for recognition, not reasoning against.
Separation is the key.
Originally Posted by
zenchaser I could feel my confidence in my ability to stay sober eroding almost as soon as we landed and beers were being handed out... But after I didn't drink said beer I really felt like I had it! I was so proud of myself and kept marveling at the fact that I wasn't consumed with the obsession and that I was really genuinely enjoying myself..... until that damn virgin cocktail.
I would question just where the idea of a "virgin" cocktail came from in the first place, since very few never-drinkers would ever consider drinking such a concoction. This "marveling" thing, however, is definitely the AV.
The Beast would love for you to "marvel" at the fact that you didn't swallow any alcohol, and it were a miracle that you didn't do anything at all, and that the big, bad Beast was not stirring much, as if you were powerless before the Beast to control the peripherals (hands, feet, mouth).
Regarding your confidence eroding, the Beast will say "sure, you can say that you'll never drink again NOW, but you just wait, I'll get you THEN." If you realize that "I will never drink again" is the same thing as "I will never drink in the present moment," however, then this Beast ploy can be neutralized.
See:
Static Time
Originally Posted by
zenchaser There's nothing I can do now except for keep moving forward.
Don't sell yourself short, zenchaser, which would only serve the Beast. You can do much better than to simply keep moving forward. You can actually end this, once and for all.
Originally Posted by Jack Trimpey
AVRT Axiom:
The function of the Addictive Voice is to grossly exaggerate the difficulty and suffering that discontinuing your vice will cause.
Corollary:
Ending your addiction is precisely as difficult as you decide it will be, and will take exactly as long as you permit.