I don't know that you're doing anything wrong. Welcome and I'm sorry for your situation.
I know there are lots of sites that offer guided meditation. Youtube has tons of great meditation programs and that's what I often use. You can also google guided meditation. You can also try googling AA daily readings. For the Big Book, I would try getting one from an AA group and see if they had any suggestions for how to replace what you lost.
On April 10th Deepak Chopra has a free 21 day Meditation course beginning and it's available to all and simple to register. Just google it and be ready on the 10th. It will arrive in your In Box.
