Thank you Maia and everyone else who commented. I have spent this past year researching alcoholism. The whys, the how's, the excuses, the torment, the anguish. The addiction. I try really really hard to understand him and his illness but when I have to look my children in the eye and see the hurt, the confusion, the trauma of what they have been through...I don't want to understand him anymore. I hate him when we are at our lowest. The story above convinces me that this is the most selfish disease. It convinces me that my ex has always put himself first in our relationship. He always found an excuse to be around alcohol. Most of his mates are heavy drinkers too. Looking back into our relationship...he never did anything to make me happy. Only what made him happy. As sad and as lonely as I am, I am happier without the alcoholic in my life. I feel as though a tonne of weight has been lifted from my shoulders. As for the house, yes I had to get a lawyer as my ex refused to pay me out half. He refuses to believe we should get anything from the house. My lawyer said after 21 years, it's a 50/50 split. He did not respond to family court at all until the very last minute when he used the excuse he didn't understand the legal papers. All along he has told me he's dragging the sale out as long as he can and he will. The children and I are in limbo at the moment. I work five days a week part time and it's still a struggle. His mental health is concerning. He got his new partner to block his own children...not once have my kids ever tried to contact her. He is deluded and I'm concerned he is getting alcoholic dementia or something like it. I don't know. It's so sad for my kids. They hurt the most.