hi Kiwimum, sorry for the reason you've come here, but I hope that telling your story can give you some relief.
I agree with what the other posters have written and that despite the damage done you seem to be on your way to a new better life.
One question that occurred to me is have you been through the legal process of dividing your property with your AH? It seems incredibly uneven that you had to leave with the children and he has full use of the house. At the very least he should be paying you your share of rent. If you haven't consulted a lawyer, I suggest you not delay that at all. Your financial contribution to the family needs to be acknowledged.