Hi and thank you for your replies. Yes the children and I are getting help. But after what he has put us through, it's going to be a very long time to get over it if we ever do. I was with this man for 21 years. I stayed thinking it was the best thing for the children. In hindsight I stayed too long. I was his enabler without knowing it. I'm glad I left and got the kids to safety but it's the absolute worst grief I've ever felt in my life. I'm keeping very minimal contact with him now as all he ever does is blame me for everything. I did this to the children. We are living on next to nothing and it's all my fault. He replaced us with his new family six months after we left. She is living in my home with her teenage kids while my kids are forced to live in a rental. He has hurt us incredibly with his alcoholism. I recently stopped visitation with the children because the last time he saw them, it was for 30 minutes then he left saying he had a party to go to. This hurt my kids more than anything. He hadnt seen them in 3 months because we live 8 hours away. I'm the one left to pick up the pieces. But my kids have always been number one in my life. I will always be there for them. But it's so hard to raise kids on your own. My two oldest are back at University while I raise my three youngest. I know that I am the lucky one. I have my children's love and respect. But late at night I still cry.