Kiwimum

Hi. I am Sue from New Zealand. My now ex partner and I have five children together. Three daughters and two sons aged 20, 18, 16, 14 and 12. My ex and I were together for 21 years until Christmas Day of 2015. He has been an extremely heavy drinker for 27 years, starting at the age of 13 years. I am and have only ever been a social drinker but for the most part I was always his sober driver. Three years ago I discovered the first hidden bulk lot of empty wine bottles..about 50. He apologised and swore that he'd stop . He did not and could not stop. Over the past three years the kids and I would continue to find hundreds of hidden bottles in bags, drawers, behind whiteware, in cupboards, in his car, in the garage, in the outside gardens and outside shed, everywhere. He always blamed me for having to hide it. He constantly told me if I wasn't such a nag he wouldn't have to hide it. He would tell me that it was normal, that every guy hides his alcohol. In the six months leading up to Xmas Day 2015, I noticed he was getting more aggressive and extremely argumentative. He was also hiding his phone. Xmas Day, my then 15 yr old son found messages from another woman. I had enough of being abused, of being lied to and I told him I was leaving with the kids. He left bruises on me trying to stop me. I packed my car with my children and we left. We've been gone for a year and a few months. He was once the best father in the world and then almost overnight he became a monster. He has very little contact with the kids and it's so sad for them to lose their father to addiction. I can tell from his correspondence that his mental has has deteriorated greatly. His father died of alcoholism at age 42. He tried to resuscitate his dad but he died in his arms. I think that destroyed him. My ex is 40. He does have a problem doesn't he? It's not all in my head. I found out recently he has drink driving convictions also. Why does he have to be so selfish? I can't see this addiction as a disease. I see it as a horribly selfish behaviour. I am filled with so much anger at having to leave our own home because he refused to leave. He wanted me to stay and accept his affair. Is this addiction affecting his body yet? He's a very high functioning alcoholic and is still working. He is in denial of his problem and is telling everyone we are lying. His family hate me. His sister is also a very heavy drinker. What will happen to him? Thanks in advance.