Hi my name is SadSadGirl-I'm an alcoholic. NorthernLass-you sound just like me its scary the similarities! Since about October my drinking has taken me to a whole new horrifying level. I've been drinking most days, about one bottle of wine on a good day and two bottles on a bad day. It's getting ridiculous-I can't sleep, feel like a shadow of my former self, I have no drive to do anything-nothing is making me happy, I feel like an empty shell of disappointment, shame etc.
I know what's triggered me into this final realisation. I had a relationship with someone a few months back, really thought they were amazing-so sweet and supportive etc. But they basically ditched me for someone else. Whilst this hasn't been confirmed, there are undeniable coincidences in timelines etc. Since then I've gone into a big spiral of hating myself, thinking "what is wrong with me?" We worked together and he left work a few weeks back. I went to his leaving do and he brought this girl along. I was mortified and felt it was really insensitive. I feel like he knew how I would struggle with it all-how can people be like that? I'd never do that! Anyway, since he's left work I've felt completely flat. It was like I had something to work for, something to get myself up for and make myself look pretty and pretend to be bubbly and charming cos I was trying to win him back. But it was all just to draining for me and left me angry with myself I obsessed so much.
It's time for me to practice self care but I don't feel worth it. How do you guys turn things round? My depression is at a tipping point, I can't let it slip any further down as I can't go back down there.
Sorry for the self pitying post. I need to get it down. Happy April Fools Day guys-this fool is getting back into recovery.