rigger, please visit the friends and family forum here.
you didn't cause it
cant control it
cant cure it.
hard words for me to swallow there, but the truth. I had to start takin care of me.
the crazy thing for me is I was your wife at one time. took my ( by then ex) fiancé tossin me to the curb for me to decide to get soner- for me to get out of denial and accept alcohol and myself were the common denominators in all my problems.
after getting sober I got into a relationship with a very sick woman.
that's when I got to experience what others had gone through with me and learned I was a codie. found a solution for that,too, but it took a couple years of insanity and chaos before I found that solution.
please don't wait to get help for yourself.