Originally Posted by
jdl1166 
Good morning. I hope everyone is well. Just a general question that may have been covered.
My wife faced her addiction to alcohol in November of 2016 and I believe she has been clean up until recently. How do I address it if I think she has been drinking? Ask and just take here word even though the evidence(odor and behavior) contradict her answer? We had agreed that if she relapsed we would work through it but she is very prideful and does not do well with defeat.
Any help or advice would be appreciated.
This is a hard one. In my therapy sessions we talked about this topic so I will share what I learned. First, relapse especially in the beginning is common. But it doesnt always balloon into a full relapse but sometimes its a slip... and a person picks up and bounces back and learns from the experience. Or it can also be a sign that whatever type of plan they have to help them needs tuning up a bit.
I was told that what works best is to try and foster a relationship with my husband where he will feel comfortable talking to me. This is not easy because as you said, people are ashamed and feel guilt and a lot of emotions if they slip up, or if they cant quit and fully relapse then the brain begins to take them off into protection mode and they can sink back into habits of hiding, and lying.
Do you have kids that she drives in the car, or were there ever abuse issues when she drinks? If so, these are more critical reasons to find out if she has began drinking again, but otherwise - if you think she has cleaned herself up then I would let it go for now. I would focus on the agreement you have to work through challenges together and maybe share a challenge of your own with her. (not about her) and try to work on the way you dialogue, and open up to one another.
My husband is also in a new recovery category I guess. I get scared at times, and am filled with a lot of emotions. I know its REALLY hard to be in your shoes right now and be confronted with these kinds of issues.