My son blamed me one to many times for his father's suicide and I lost total control. Not only did my anger toward my son spill out, but my anger toward his father too.
My reaction was to say, "You want to see what your father did to me?" and I started beating him up. I am lucky my son didn't beat the hell out of me after that. He was drunk when that happened. I knew then that I had reached my limit. I also know that I could do the same thing again.
I have issues. I've never hit my kids like that before. I spanked them, but never lost control until that day not too long ago.
I know that I can't be placed in that postition again. I never said anything about it here because I was so ashamed of what happened. The awful thing is that I still have the anger and I know I could lose it again.
It just shows me that I have more to work on. I still have some "skeletons in the closet". My son knows every button to push and he pushes them. Everytime something like this happens it just makes me want to work harder to fix it. I can't fix it and that hurts. It will take both of us to fix it and he can't get past blaming for everything wrong in his life. I guess maybe I feel like I am to blame or it wouldn't affect me so badly.
You're not alone Constant.
Thanks for listening.
Hugs,
MG