Exactly.
Why do you think you still love her? Because when you first met you got along?
That was years ago, yes? Since then she has been spiteful, selfish, self-centered, morose, cruel, demanding, abusive, an utter drag to have around and you're far happier when she's gone.
Anyone can be delightful in the first flush of infatuation. It's who shows up after that's the real person.
She is who she is. Now. What are you going to do to get away from this?