LexieCat

And how, exactly, did YOU fail? Marriage isn't a mutual suicide pact. If your partner is making life miserable, you aren't obligated to keep taking it.

People get divorced for all kinds of reasons all the time. Your friends and family may not understand all the nuances, but they want you to be happy, not miserable. All you have to tell them is that you did not make the decision lightly, that you had concluded that continuing with the marriage was bad for your well-being and for the kids'. You can explain further to those who you CHOOSE to confide in. You don't owe the world an explanation. And I think you will be surprised how supportive people are once they get over the initial shock (if they assumed everything was fine).

I think you're more likely to regret wasted years and the suffering ahead if you decide to stay. But let's say, for the sake of argument, that he decides to recover and does the hard work involved in that. Some people reconcile. It's not out of the realm of possibility. But empty promises won't cut it. Let him SHOW you what he's willing to do to recover.

Living with an alcoholic parent is guaranteed to have an adverse impact on children. Divorce is something that kids can adjust to. I'd suggest getting them into some counseling, regardless of whether you stay or go.

Doesn't sound like he's "trying" now--most alcoholics don't get sober until they are in sufficient pain that it's the only alternative.

Many of them WON'T understand. Some of them probably will. They don't HAVE to understand. But you're not going to be some untouchable because you have decided to leave.

I'd make sure you have all your important documents/possessions/information socked away in a safe place, just in case he takes it into his head to get vindictive. Have you talked with a lawyer? Have you got some separate financial accounts set up? It's always best to have a whole plan in place, not just sign a lease and leave.

I simply concluded, based on my past experience, that I had done everything that I could to help. There was nothing more I could have done. I imagined myself handing him over to his own Higher Power, and I've never for a second regretted it.