Thanks for your reply alatose-- I think this was exactly what I needed to hear.
I'm kind of struck by your words because I've never thought of my family as having accepted her ways, I thought of them as being in denial but it could definitely be the case that they are aware of their inability to change her--something that I am only just recently (the last few months) coming to terms with.
Per the second quote -- I don't expect my qualifier to get better because I am in recovery. I do think I am feeling some new resentment toward my qualifier because al anon has been such a life line for me and it seems like her pretending to be in a program is a new twist on her regular smoke and mirrors shtick and there's some kind of extra twinge of pain associated with her perverting something (the program and steps) that's legitimately helping me. I think it's not my place to judge her, even though I know she's not sincere.