Originally Posted by kevlarsjal

It's not that I want to be the exceptional human who manages to never do any harm to anyone or never step on a bug. It's not that I want to stand out or want to be admired or seen as something better. I honestly feel like utter **** when I think about all the people suffering because of my decisions (like buying a tshirt, think of all the poor people that worked for that and are treated like **** in countries like Bangladesh). I wish I could live somehow without ever effecting any other life form in a bad way. But in all honesty my motivation behind that is not admiration or anything like that. I just don't want anyone to suffer because of me.

And I don't expect myself to be able to solve the world hunger problem and I don't fantasise about being honoured for that. But I feel it's unfair that I can eat all this food just because I was born in a wealthy country and others can't.

And what makes me think anyone is worrying about me? Well the people who tell me they don't think I do what I should be doing. Mostly my parents and other family members. If they say "it makes me so sad to see you do ________ when you could be doing _______" "it upsets me to see you waste your talent, potential etc" I don't have any desire to do most of the things but it breaks my heart to see them being unhappy because of me living my life the "wrong" way. I wouldnt exist without my parents and I feel like I owe them my life. It's what I'm working on now, to learn that I actually can decide about my life and that I'm not just existing to please them and make them happy. It still seems strange and unnatural to me. My therapist said I have a problem with humility but in the opposite way. It's the cause of many of my issues not the solution. She thinks I care too much about others and not enough about myself and that I gave myself up when I was very little.