'Somehow in my heart and soul I wanted sobriety so badly'
Absolutely love that line........it has crystallised a lot ........I know that my 'normal' drinking days are over, there is simply no way back and that I need to find a way to live, not even happily, just contentedly, without booze ............I guess one of the bedrocks of any addiction is a feeling of being on the outside, its difficult to then voluntarily place oneself purposely on the outside by excluding oneself from the drinking.......I guess this places my friends in a slightly awkward place too ....they will be forced to adjust (or not, as they may choose)....and I have to be conscious of the shifting dynamics....all intensified in the way only holidays can.....