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Coping On A Ski Holiday

Old 03-06-2017, 03:53 AM
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Coping On A Ski Holiday

I agreed 9 months ago to go on a ski holiday (next week) with some old friends with whom I have drunk and used with extensively in the past (prior to my attempting sobriety).....I was in a stronger place really when I agreed to go than I am now and as the holiday approaches I am getting increasingly anxious .......I had a conversation with each of them one on one and basically said that I would be going but that I wouldn't be drinking and offered to not go should this alter the dynamics of their holiday...that I wouldn't be joining them after dinner in the bars etc........they were all sufficiently understanding and supportive to give me the confidence to attempt this (in the last 3 years I have simply not bothered to go).

I guess what concerns me is that I am taking myself out of my normal, safe environment and putting myself into the lion's mouth of a ski resort and bearing in mind what ski resorts are like for 'normal' drinkers, inevitably temptation will happen.......and I am not 100% confident in myself to say no to the first one every single time....I also know that as various drinking 'sessions' evolve for the others I will inevitably feel 'left out' and that self-piteous part of me will kick in and start speaking up more loudly even than it normally does.

I've only just today registered on this site today, as its one of the methods of (hopefully) maintaining contact with a sober network whilst away that I can think of......if anyone has any experience of what has worked for them I would be very grateful to hear back......they are long-time friends, who I very rarely see now (having moved many miles away following divorce) and I value them, the last thing I want to do is slip, act/say things which lead to the usual scenario......

Many thanks in advance for any replies
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Old 03-06-2017, 03:58 AM
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Hi Kristoff, welcome to the board!

You say you haven't gone for the last three years, is that how long you've been sober?

Is there something you can find to do when they head to the bars? Do you use any programs like AA? AA has meetings worldwide and it's possible there may be one where you're headed.

Can you do an online search of sober activities in that town? Meetup.org might have something.

I understand your concern and it's good that it's there. I think it will be key to plan ahead for the times you would normally be drinking so you have other things to do.

Or......don't go.
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Old 03-06-2017, 04:33 AM
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Kristoff,
Lady blue brings up a great question. How long have you been sober? We can't hide from alcohol forever but only you can decide if your up to the task at this point in your sobriety.

I think it is great that you told your friends that you won't be drinking and I hope they will support you in that .

I still find situations like vacations a little difficult at eight months sober. I make sure I have a good plan for each day. I have found that if things get tough I go to my room for quiet time and post or read on SR.

It sounds selfish but your priority needs to be you and your sobriety. Your friends will understand if you need to cut the evening short.

I am happy to report that slowly I am starting to enjoy most things sober. It's not always perfect but I'm getting there.

We are here if you need us.
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Old 03-06-2017, 04:43 AM
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Thanks very much for the reply.

I have contacted local AA and there is one meeting to go to per week.
, which I will do.

I completely agree that I need a 'replacement for the drinking' strategy and I am working on it.....the way I see it is I am set for the day, as that will be occupied with skiing (the lunches, even if the others have a few drinks, I am fine with, as lunchtime boozing has never really appealled to me owing to the soporific effect it has)....dinner will be more challenging but I'm reasonably ok with that....my major issue is immediately post skiing about 5.30 when the exercise is done, the endorphins are flowing and I have that 'I'm invincible' feeling again.....a sad, misconceived, self-defeating lie that part of me still speaks inwardly to me (I live in hope that one day I don't hear that voice ).......I'm planning to eat quickly then as a fuller stomach tends to dampen my enthusiasm for beer....the bottom line is (as I know deep down) is that there will be moments when I'll simply have to grind it out, accept that its going to be tough at times, that the urges do recede in intensity and do not typically last for hours.

It is surprisingly useful memorialising these things in writing.....rather than have the thoughts swirling endlessly around, in an incomplete fashion in my head

Thanks
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Old 03-06-2017, 04:48 AM
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It's great that your self aware of what your triggers are. I think that is vital. You won't be caught off guard when your AV starts making noise. Stay close we will be watching for you.
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Old 03-06-2017, 04:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Mattq2 View Post
Kristoff,
Lady blue brings up a great question. How long have you been sober? We can't hide from alcohol forever but only you can decide if your up to the task at this point in your sobriety.

I think it is great that you told your friends that you won't be drinking and I hope they will support you in that .

I still find situations like vacations a little difficult at eight months sober. I make sure I have a good plan for each day. I have found that if things get tough I go to my room for quiet time and post or read on SR.

It sounds selfish but your priority needs to be you and your sobriety. Your friends will understand if you need to cut the evening short.

I am happy to report that slowly I am starting to enjoy most things sober. It's not always perfect but I'm getting there.

We are here if you need us.
Thanks Mattq2....much appreciated

I don't have any lasting sobriety to be honest....probably best described as a serial slipper over just under 4 years I guess....I go through to about 3-4 months typically and then roll the dice again.

I am grateful that you are there.....its one of the things I was hoping for when I joined today...
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Old 03-06-2017, 05:04 AM
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I can't speak for everyone but for me the relapses were a necessary evil. Somehow in my heart and soul I wanted sobriety so badly. I never gave up. I woke up each day and swore to god almighty that I wouldn't drink. I always took some positive away when I slipped. Why did it happen? What can I change? What can I do differently? You seem like a smart person. You will figure it out just don't ever give up. You can do it.
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Old 03-06-2017, 05:07 AM
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AV ? Excuse my ignorance , I presume its something akin to my 'alternative self' ?
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Old 03-06-2017, 05:11 AM
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Addictive voice. It's the person that lives in your head that is always trying to tell you how one drink won't hurt😀 I don't like mine. He's a pain in my butt!
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Old 03-06-2017, 05:15 AM
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It's your Alcoholic Voice. The voice that tells you to go ahead and have a drink,. It's okay. You were skiing all day. You deserve a drink. The AV is part of a secular recovery program. SMART? Rational Recovery? I forget which one.
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Old 03-06-2017, 05:16 AM
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Addictive voice. Sorry.
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Old 03-06-2017, 05:21 AM
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'Somehow in my heart and soul I wanted sobriety so badly'

Absolutely love that line........it has crystallised a lot ........I know that my 'normal' drinking days are over, there is simply no way back and that I need to find a way to live, not even happily, just contentedly, without booze ............I guess one of the bedrocks of any addiction is a feeling of being on the outside, its difficult to then voluntarily place oneself purposely on the outside by excluding oneself from the drinking.......I guess this places my friends in a slightly awkward place too ....they will be forced to adjust (or not, as they may choose)....and I have to be conscious of the shifting dynamics....all intensified in the way only holidays can.....
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Old 03-06-2017, 06:09 AM
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In fairly early sobriety (about 6 month in) I went on a hen weekend to Berlin. Like your situation it had all been arranged a long time before I got sober, and besides,might was bridesmaid , blah, blah blah.

Anyway I went. And I spoke very very frankly about it to my friends. I explained that I may not stay out in the evenings for long. I explained that I wouldn't be drinking, but that I wouldn't be judging them for doing so. That this was my problem not theirs.

Anyway. I stated sober. Here are some things that helped me...

Being hypervigilant of HALT triggers - Hungry-Anger-Lonely-Tired

Preparing ahead to avoid HALT triggers (maybe make sure you snack between teatime and evening meal to keep blood sugars stable, esp seeing as you'll be exercising.

Making sure I could chat to sober people if I needed to (phone connections to my mum and AA friends)

I read and posted on here very regularly. Dee was a star at pulling me out of an AV vortex a couple of times. I also had some kind people from here corresponding with my by private messages over that weekend.

I listened to AA Speaker recordings http://www.recoveryaudio.org/

I had exit strategies in place (I had numbers for taxi cabs and cash to pay for them, and had already talked to my friends so there'd be no hard feelings )

I nursed their hangovers by delivering cold drink and paracetamol to their rooms in the mornings before popping off to enjoy the morning in a bit of peace

I had some very, very good books on my Kindle to enjoy on the trip

I wrote gratitude lists to stave off self-pity

I allowed myself to just be. Ie Just be... the quiet one. Just be... the listener. Just be.... an early nighter. I left my not-enoughness at home for the weekend. I was what I was. Acceptance.

I can't think of any more things at the moment. If i do, I'll pop back and add them.

Anyway. I'm glad you found us. Stay close, and keep reading and posting. That's how we help each other.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
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Old 03-06-2017, 06:37 AM
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I love skiing, so I know what this is going to sound like.

Don't go.

Sobriety is the thing that the rest of your life hinges on, right?

Or put another way:

you need to "find a way to live... contentedly without booze". It's really hard in early sobriety to navigate situations like this. It's hard even when you have some sober time to navigate situations like this. You described it so well: the endorphins, the camaraderie.

You don't sound prepared for it. Going away with drinking buddies on a vacation that you know is going to be full of those desires, not to mention that if they go out and get hammered every night, you will feel left out - because you will be.

One of the things I had to accept and am still accepting at seven months is that my old friends are not really my friends anymore. The ones I primarily just drank with, it's been slow and gradual but our connection was rooted in drinking and since I don't drink, we don't connect.

There are the four triggers, right? Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Looks like you are setting yourself up for all of them, every night. Don't go.

In Gratitude

B
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Old 03-06-2017, 07:48 AM
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There is nothing in this situation that looks conductive to sobriety, except telling your friends that you aren't drinking.

Hope you come out of this trip in the same state you go in.
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Old 03-06-2017, 07:48 AM
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I've been skiing since I was a kid, and drinking was the only thing I saw my father do while skiing, so naturally that was handed down to me.

In college, as a racer, beers were at the finish line at every event. We drank. Down the road as a ski bum, I lived out of my truck and found solace in seeing normal people crack tallboys in the parking lot at 8am. Apres was sometimes what I looked forward to in my skiing, even if I were drinking all day.

I'm still drinking, but took a couple months off, and tried skiing a few times sober. It felt weird and boring... and this was with a drinking friend that didn't drink because he knew I was on the wagon.

I went skiing with a ex-gf that just picked up skiing, and she had a flask on her. I shared the flask with her on a beautiful sunny day, and a month later I'm laying in bed hungover on a Monday, wasting the day.

I won't tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but I've always associated skiing with drinking. It's still amazing flying down a mountain, but I don't know a single skier that doesn't drink. I'm sure they're out there... I only know one person that doesn't drink who is a skier. He's a bartender that I used to buy drinks from and asked how he quit. He told me he almost died detoxing, and being behind the bar reminds him of how he used to be, and keeps him from drinking.

I've been relapsing for years, and skiing is by far the most difficult part of sobriety for me. I can go to parties, bars, etc., no problem, but skiing feels like 'my party'. I don't know. If it's not my party that day and I get hurt (I ski like a nutcase), I drink to numb the pain. I tore ligaments in my left knee recently and drink because of the boredom of not being able to work. Skiing for me is the most dangerous part of my sobriety.
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Old 03-06-2017, 10:08 AM
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Originally Posted by bexxed View Post
I love skiing, so I know what this is going to sound like.

Don't go.

Sobriety is the thing that the rest of your life hinges on, right?

Or put another way:

you need to "find a way to live... contentedly without booze". It's really hard in early sobriety to navigate situations like this. It's hard even when you have some sober time to navigate situations like this. You described it so well: the endorphins, the camaraderie.

You don't sound prepared for it. Going away with drinking buddies on a vacation that you know is going to be full of those desires, not to mention that if they go out and get hammered every night, you will feel left out - because you will be.

One of the things I had to accept and am still accepting at seven months is that my old friends are not really my friends anymore. The ones I primarily just drank with, it's been slow and gradual but our connection was rooted in drinking and since I don't drink, we don't connect.

There are the four triggers, right? Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Looks like you are setting yourself up for all of them, every night. Don't go.

In Gratitude

B
Thx Bexxed........my true self knows that 'don't go' is really what I should do......I have told my friends that I won't be drinking but I know they probably don't truly believe me.....it would serve me well to pull out at this late stage, in the knowledge and hope that that sacrifice will demonstrate to them the extent of my commitment , which, in turn, may well help for future ski trips together.....I suspect they then would be more understanding of the predicament I am in.....one of the group (who is an influencer) is a doctor so I am hoping to have a quiet word in that ear too
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Old 03-06-2017, 10:24 AM
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Hi Kristoff, if I understand you correctly, you've accumulated some sober time but relapse often as well? If your sobriety is a top priority in your life and you are worried, I think you've answered your own question as to whether or not you should go. Maybe hold off until you get a solid grip on sobriety before you venture out into a situation that is likely to cause you to start over. If you go on this trip, be prepared to be very firm with your use of the word NO.
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Old 03-06-2017, 10:37 AM
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I am just going to throw out that if these are your long term friend, why not just tell them the truth? That you are working on sobriety and that you may struggle, and that it would be helpful to have other events away from drinking.

If a friend of mine told me that, even if I were a big drinker, I would happily put down just to help my friend.

Just a thought. Good luck!
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Old 03-06-2017, 10:38 AM
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Oh my gosh, Krist. I can relate to this. For me skiing at resorts was just hand in hand with drinking beer. And I seemed to think I could ski better after a few beers...and performing at outdoor festivals just seemed to go hand in hand with drinking a few and then thinking I could perform better....anyways, stay strong. You can still have a great time without drinking. I hope your skiing buddies are supportive/understanding. My band mates, except for one, haven't been...

Welcome to the site. Glad you found us! For me, it really does help override temptation if there is at least just one person in your presence who know's what's up and sort of holds you accountable.
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