Originally Posted by
tomsteve 
whats this:
" Right now we have no alcohol at home but when we go out to eat. there will be a a few times a month when he has a drink.
isn't that clear cut?
imo, this is some serious rationalization. rationalization- giving a socially acceptable reason for socially unacceptable behavior, and socially unacceptable behavior is a form of insanity.
Im not sure if I understand this, but are you saying you need a diagnosis from a doctor that says he's an alcoholic for you to accept hes an alcoholic? does that mean people are only alcoholics if their doctor diagnoses it?
Im sorry I dont really understand the part about rationalizing. There are no boundaries about not having alcohol in the house. He hasnt brought any in so there is none there. He never drank much since Ive known him. For some reason he drinks a lot! when he uses cocaine.
His doctor specializes in addiction medicine and there is a protocol for alcoholism just as there is for alcohol abuse. From the way I understand it, most alcoholics cannot control their drinking, but those who abuse alcohol may be able to learn healthy behaviors, and or alleviate issues that brought on the desire to drink and escape.
I dont want to get into this type of discussion, because all that really matters is what he thinks, what his behaviors are, and how it affects me, how I feel about it all.
The other question, of course a Dr. doesnt need to diagnose someone as being an alcoholic for them to be one. Lots of people have undiagnosed medical issues. I think AA says a person has to acknowledge their life is out of control due to alcohol and accept they are powerless over alcohol. I dont know if this means they are an alcoholic but they have to want to quit drinking all together as their solution.
But my husband doesnt work their program. Neither of us are officially in any 12 step programs even though Ive gone to more than 6 alanon meetings, and online meetings and such, one Naranon recently.
I dont want to defend his drinking or say I totally approve of how he handles it, but his emotional issues are more pressing to me than anything else right now. I am happy he is continuing to get help because if he doesnt I do feel his risk is greater for relapse on drugs and abuse of alcohol too.