healthychoices

So I just needed to get this off of my chest here because I don't have anyone I feel comfortable in turning to in real life right now.

So I've got 20 days clean and sober up but I can't seem to get a handle on my emotions, I am having intense mood swings, I go from fairly OK during the day to anxious, depressed, angry & totally overwhelmed at night and I can't seem to see the end of it.

At night I am having regular suicidal ideations (don't worry I am not close to acting on anything), but just the thought of being able to die is so reassuring to me at the moment and I can't ever remember feeling this way before.

I recently ended a (1+ year) relationship and also have a new dog who is barking heaps when I go to work (all neighbors complaining) and she is also digging up the garden and I am looking at an uncertain future with work - rationally I recognise these as 'normal' types of problems that people face, but at the moment I feel like I am actually falling apart and getting out of bed in the morning is becoming almost impossible, I took 3 days off work this wk and it's a huge struggle just to do simple things like walk the dog twice a day & clean up after myself.

I am close to going to the doctors and getting something prescribed like valium but I am hesitant of that bc I have had serious benzo addiction in the past but perhaps I will be OK if I let the doc keep close tabs on me?

Far out, this sobriety isn't a cake walk that's for sure, white knuckles tonight but holding in there. Send some strength this way if you can please.