so good to see you, Cow, especially with an ember of unfamiliar warmth of pleasant mood!
not that it wouldn't be good to see you regardless, but hearing about the ember is!
yes, i get you on not waiting for relief of/from symptoms or anything else, though we can hope for that. and yours sound horrendous!
i'm doing okay. it's mostly others close to me who are struggling; my youngest with depression and non-specific grief, one of my sisters just started chemo for breastcancer, and i am dealing, ongoing, with cardiac issues after a recent ablation which the surgeon was sure would eliminate the issues.
hm...not in agreement with you about the best "cure" for addiction. memory and awareness of how bad is baaad and how baaad the horror is has an important place, but for me, the best "cure" was/is the hope, belief, knowledge/trust/and now experience that there is better out there; that sobriety offers more.
even when it didn't always, at any given moment, look that way, that was the ember, and the "cure".