Thank you so much everyone for your replies, I feel so embarrassed to see the doctor, I feel like a bad mum, I have four kids ranging from 5 to 13, I am more than capable of caring for them and will wake if they wake in the night, I have no problem going to them and caring for them, although it worries me if something happened like a fire would I really be capable of dealing with it in the right way if I was drunk! Except my 13 year old the others dont really notice that I drink, it doesn't affect them in anyway and I always prioritise them. But I worry so much what the doctor would think, no one I know knows how much I drink except my husband who also drinks heavily, I hate it cos it feels like my guilty secret