thank you SaveYourHeart. To get here, I had to give up hope that XAH would change. I developed hope that my life would be better. What do I hope for now? I would like to have a good marriage someday- but I realized staying with XAH would never get me that. And I realized I would rather be alone than be in a marriage where, in addition to being alcoholic, he did not love me and even told me he deeply resented my happiness.
Even though I hope for a loving marriage, if it never happens, I am still enjoying my life. I have good work, friends, and hobbies. I hope to own my home one day and to be able to semi-retire. I am starting to date. I hope to travel to some interesting places.
Go for it, SaveYourHeart!