Originally Posted by
heartcore 
Not doing things you don't really want to do is one of the core lessons of this whole journey for me.
It has extended and expanded into not doing jobs I don't enjoy, to not commiting to lovers if I don't feel safe & happy, and even to very consciously choosing where I WANTED to live & then making it happen.
For me, it is probably the source lesson of sobriety.
Because, what I've come to understand is that I drink/use to make peace with a life which is not making me happy. And I stay in a life that is not making me happy because somewhere along the way I was taught that this level of (unhappy) loyalty & perserverence made me a more grounded & honorable person (a better friend, better worker, better wife).
Doing things you don't want to do doesn't make you a good person! Especially if you need the lubricants of drugs & alcohol to endure your "really loyal to things you don't want" life!!
I am most honorable when I both serve/attend others & find happiness in the exact same actions! Wow. Learning this simple truth is apparently the true task of my lifetime...
Ps. I am such a better (& more fun) friend when I am also enjoying the activity...!
It IS a simple truth and at the same time mind boggling that it can take so much suffering to learn it. I whine a lot on here but to tell you the truth Heartcore, most times I could cry with gratitude at being able to learn these things now. It takes a lot of courage to live the way you described but it's really the only life worth living.