Hi Constant.
I'm not sure I'd call that a relapse. Response, maybe.
But kidding aside, that's a little scarey. Maybe it scares me because I was there myself and I'm wondering if you're there for the same reason. Dino didn't pop me with a rubber band, he was just doing his snot nose brat routine for the umpteenth time that week and I (also without thinking) hauled off and backhanded him. In the car. On the interstate. At 70 mph. I was driving.
Maybe it's not on the surface at the moment, but if you're punching people, you're angry. Letting go of anger doesn't mean pushing it into the back of your mind and letting it build up until it sends your fist flying. I tried to attain a pose of serenity when I was still boiling over underneath. It came out in unpredictable and violent ways. I had to let go of my ivory image of what recovered meant. There are just things that **** me off. That's going to have to be okay because that's the way it is. The trick for me has been to let the aggravations out as they occur. I don't mean having yelling matches. For me it's coming here and spewing for awhile. It's much easier to get over the current miffing if the last one has been dealt with. It's shorter. It doesn't go as deep. Now it's "I get angry" not "I AM angry".
For me, where anger is concerned, "fake it till you make it" was a very dangerous approach. It made me into a time bomb. I guess if I were to make a little slogan for myself it would be "Don't fake it, free it."
Hugs,
Smoke