I hit him!
OK, I thought I was doing pretty good with my recovery until this afternoon. I spoke to my husband at 2pm to make sure he would be home for my son to get of the bus. He said that he would, but I could tell by the back ground noise that he was in a bar type establishment. (having lunch, lol) I blew it off and didn't even worry about. My son is 11 and capable of coming in by himself, I did check to make sure he was home when the 7 year old arrived and he was.
When I got home everything was fine. I unloaded groceries and then went to tell 11 year old to get ready for soccer. My husband then informs me that he is going to ANOTHER bar type place for dinner and he can't keep the other 2 children while I go to practice. Usually this wouldn't be that major, but we have had tons of rain and I knew it would be mud hole. I got the kids ready and then he says the guy cancelled (that he was meeting) and that he could keep the children. (not that he wanted to change his plans, but the other guy left him high and dry) So as we discussed dinner etc., he took a rubber band and popped my left boob with it. It really hurt, plus I was already holding back my anger towards him. Well when I felt the pain he must have realized it because tensed up as if he knew what I was going to do. I didn't even think about it, it just happened. I balled my fist and punched him repeatedly in the arm. (my kids were watching, how horrible!) Then I told the kids to get ready they were all going because their father was obviously not responsible enough to take care of them right now. We left.
Now, I don't feel bad about anything other than my kids witnessing the event, and his actions showed me that he wasn't sober enough to be here with a 2 and 7 year old! But I am supposed to be detaching, focusing on myself, working on my recovery and I had a total relapse! I haven't reacted towards him like that in a very long time. (years and years before I even realized what the problem was) What is going on? Just a slip as he would put it, but I hope that I am not regressing back into old patterns. God knows I don't want to be there again.
Anyway just trying to regroup and focus back on myself and the children. Tomorrow is a new day and I will begin again and try to put this event behind me. The good news is I don't feel the least bit angry anymore, just amazed that he still doesn't see it!!!!