Just a quick check in for now. I didn't realize it has been over a week. I've been having a more difficult time lately so maybe I need to check in more. I haven't come close to actually drinking but I've been having a hard time keeping it "day by day" and my mind has been wandering. It has been relatively easy up to this point.
I am coming up on 3 mos next week. That's when I threw in the towel last time. But I don't think I truly accepted that I was an alcoholic then. I knew I was drinking too much and that I had alcoholic tendencies, but my plan was to stop BEFORE it got to the point of me "really" becoming an alcoholic. Not drinking for those 3 mo even kinda reinforced that I wasn't, in my mind. Now I know that "controlling" my drinking does not mean I am not an alcoholic. It means that I am. Normal people don't have to.
Before I quit in November, I was actually writing down when and how much I drank. I would tally them up and divide it between the days to determine my average. It was my way of moderating. More accurately, it was my way of bull******* myself. Because I could not drink Sun-Mon but drink a bottle of wine on a Sat and come out with an average of about one drink per night. If that isn't alcoholic thinking right there!
I really didn't realize that at the time and I don't know why I started thinking about it now. But it's good because like I said I've been having a harder time lately. Maybe a little reality check to clear out some of the smoke and mirrors left in my mind by my AV.
So much for quick check in. I gotta lot of catching up to do on past posts but not tonight. I'm not even going to scan over what I typed to see if it makes sense or has errors.
Goodnight