Originally Posted by
BullDog777 
The last few nights I've been having some really fu^$ed up dreams about my childhood. Long story short...first love, best friend growing up died in a car accident. I saw her die. It's her birthday in a few days.
This was the center of my drinking for many many years.
I wasn't with her at the accident, but I was supposed to get a ride with her that morning. I've always had a lot of guilt over that.
This is s#it I've long since dealt with. Like years ago, I think.
I found myself in a thought process that went like this...
"I wonder what a cold beer smells like?"
NO....... This is a freight train of destruction heading towards me at mach 5. All I need to do is drop the hammer and I'm off. I know how this $#it works except this time I'm gonna die. That's a given if I go back.
So....I'm not in the best of moods right now but I'm going to call my wife, tell my neighbor/best buddy and go sit in meetings all day. This demon is staying dead this time. This is my ***%ing life. I've worked too hard to get my life back.
thanks for being here.
I read this the other day and it struck a chord with me. January 11, 1992 my life (as I knew it) changed forever. Yes, there was a girl involved, and a best friend, police, jail, lawyers and all kinds of fun stuff (I was the victim). I have dreams and nightmares to this day. What has made it so hard is that one was my fiance, and the other was one of my best friends for years. After that day I never saw or spoke to them again, no closure. Only saw them in the courtroom. After all these years I still have not spoken to either of them.
I guess we just deal with them the best way we know how. Hang in there man.