My personal experience (I am not married to an alcoholic), in observing others....
I have worked, in psychiatry, with several people who had many years of recovery under their belt.....they taught me a lot! The were great people and had loving relationships with spouse and family...The were very honest! They were humble and compassionate toward others. They didn't go around taking everyone's inventory...lol....and they kept their own doorstep clean......
I have, also, known some who stopped drinking...but, didn't really work a program...outside of going to some AA meetings....and they were "jerks", in my opinion. wouldn't want to live with them.
I think that the original personality, aside from the alcoholism, has a lot to do with it, also.....
I think that some have dual diagnoses...
You know what they say...
What do you get if you sober up a dr unken horse thief? A sober horse thief.
That's all I've got.......