Originally Posted by jaynie04

Hi adyson. My mother was the alcoholic in my family and I was the oldest daughter with two younger brothers. I am sorry you are going through this. You sound like a remarkably intelligent and intuitive young woman. While I would not wish this type of childhood on anyone, the self-reliance that was necessary to grow up in those conditions was an important factor in helping me carve out my own life.

I left home for college and never really went back. I had a lot of student loans but it was worth every penny to be able to start my life away from my mother. Becoming "parentified" at a young age is likely to have a big impact on your choices in the future. I am so very glad you are reaching out and that you understand that you did not deserve to have so much put upon your young shoulders.

I felt responsible for everyone and everything for a long time. I was so enmeshed with my mother that it took years for me to realize that her love was conditional and that in an effort to please her I had lost who I really was along the way.

There are so many great responses here. If I could impress one thing upon you it would be to continue to educate yourself on alcoholism and what it means to be a child of an alcoholic. I spent decades spinning trying to be everything to everyone.

It is sad to realize that we will never have the mother that we wanted. Learning to mother yourself, to feel comfortable with strong boundaries, to feel entitled to respect and reliability, to be your own advocate.....those are the ways you are going to not only survive, but thrive.

Do not feel guilty at distancing yourself from your mother. She failed you, you are not responsible for holding this relationship together. The distance from her will create room for you to explore healthier relationships and to figure out who you are. Continue to reach out for support, there are many of us who have been through similar circumstances.

You are right to say enough and please continue to push for the life you deserve!