Susie,
(sorry for how long it is)
Congratulations!!! You must be so proud of your son getting a degree, getting a job and moving out. That is a mothers greatest "accomplishment", when your child succeeds. Hon, you had a lot to do with it, you son also lived in that alcoholic crazy home. He had your strength to persevere!! You say that your son is leaving you, would you want him to stay? You know that answer to that. You want him to reach out and challenge the world. He will be ok and you will too.
I know that you are complaining about living across from your ah. But could you imagine if you he was still in your home? Count your blessing that he is there and not living in your peaceful home. He is not running up the heat or electricity while he doesn't work everyday. He is not eating your food that you paid for. He is not drunk around you and causing you more stress. He is not messing up your home and there is peace for you and your son right now.
You are blessed that you are working and can support yourself. Once the divorce settlement goes through, he will have to get a job or find other enablers to pay for the gas to his boats, cars and or insurance on them. They feel sorry for him because of the stress of his divorce, but I can guarantee you it will only last so long before people will get tired of him. I understand that you paid for them, hopefully they will be sold and you can split some of the proceeds.
We all understand that the easy way would be to walk way, but you have not worked as hard as you have to do that. You are not taking the easy way out and just living with an addict. You deserve more, and you filed for divorce. Eventually when you things settle down, you are in the business, put the house up for sale and get the heck out of the neighborhood. I know it is hard to be patient, but it will all fall into place. Just keep moving forward.
You have learned to not engage with your addict, why would engage with other addicts? Don't lower to their standards. Hold your head up with pride. You have a job and work hard. Raised good kids and are a brave women and mom. Just because addicts don't respect you, who cares. Smile and walk way with pride. You know that they are losers, so why do you care what they think of you.
Hon, you say you have never lived alone, I would disagree. You have been living alone a lot longer then you want to admit. You will finally have peace in your home, it will be your own home.
Spring is coming and that is a Real Estate agents busy time. You need to get your hair cut, do a mani and pedi if you can. Go to Good Will and buy a new sweater or pair of pants. Put a little make up on. Try and go for a walk in the park, away from your home. These are all easy and inexpensive pick me ups.
And if all fails, keep reading on this forum about the women and men who have it a lot worse then you. We hear your pain, but you are blessed, Susie. Find those little blessing each day .... sun shining, car starts, see a friend, hear a great song on the radio, get a call from you kids. So many blessing, be thankful for everything you have. We Care!! Hugs my friend, this too shall pass.