Gilmer- the mind is good at getting what it wants. Sometimes it is not what we want. Sucks about doctors and tests- I have a little bit of understanding and empathy in buckets for you on that one. Why don't you do something you have never done before where you are, but always wanted to? A 'never got 'round to that-yet' project? Walk around the lake anti clockwise, go fishing (then kiss the fish and release it). Go for a walk with Wilbur (or dog-ever) and imagine either for once- YOU are taking them for a walk, or THEY are taking you for a walk. Wear your jeans around the other way. Do something joyously silly. Paint Wilbur's ears pink (with water colours). Draw a silly cartoon. Get some eye liner and draw a cartoon on your face looking in the mirror.
Post heaps. Go somewhere- where no one can hear the noise of trees falling and talk to god out aloud. LOUDLY.
Keep posting.
Prayers.