Originally Posted by
Ariesagain 
I was thinking more about this...the thing is, you're an honest, decent, loyal person. Deceit does not sit well with you. The insanity of this situation is that it's so messed up that these wonderful qualities of yours could be used against you and your children. That's the awful truth of it.
But doing this now serves a greater good in keeping you and your children safe. You didn't choose to be in a situation where these tactics were necessary...he created this. You're just trying to get out the door to a better life.
It's not your fault.
This really helped me, along with Dandy's words, well, EVERYONE's words of kindness has really made me feel better when my mind goes out of whack lol. I probably re-read this thread 20 times yesterday, just to reaffirm myself. It was an especially hard night for me because it was actually a decent night (abuse wise, yes he still drank) but we actually hung out and watched a movie and it was nice. The alcoholism is a huge elephant in the room and because of the abusive dynamic I am left with just acting hunky dory ...deep down he must know but I am beyond repeating myself on how I feel..on how things are. In August I told him exactly how I felt and I should not have to constantly repeat myself and remind someone how to be a decent person, right? gah.
I will keep reading my books and these threads and continue on as planned. I will also update my accountability post with progress because that keeps me on track with my plan. Hugs to you ALL.