I had to pop into my old local pub briefly to meet my partner yesterday and got myself a non-alcohol drink to have while he finished up. There were a couple of ladies in there who I used to drink with. One commented that I wasn't drinking. The other said "oh no, Berry hasn't drunk for a few years now. She stopped for Lent one year and felt so good she just didn't drink again." Oh, the power of bull-poop!
I laughed and pointed out that actually I used Lent as a cover to get through the first 6 weeks without pressure to drink, and that from about a month sober was, to be honest, when it finally started getting pretty bad and I needed to get some support in place. The first year was anything but easy, but it was all worth it. And learning to walk to the beat of my own drum, lonely as it might have seemed at times, has helped me grow as a person on the inside, and prepare for some (hopefully) pretty big changes in the future, which I don't expect all my old (punk and alcohol steeped) friends to be particularly supportive of, as I start to explore my vocation in Christian ministry.
I hope that you are able to go forward with conviction; Walk to the beat of your own drum; and lean into your fear. Gather round you an army of supporters, and become support for them as well as you work on your recovery, free yourself from the chains of fear and addiction, and grow in ways you never dreamt possible.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB