BTB, it was HUGE for me to realize I wasn't alone...at my first meeting, that was exactly what I said when asked what brought me there--"my hub drinks and lies, and I feel so alone."
Once I realized that I wasn't the only one doing and feeling the things I was doing and feeling, I started to realize that XAH was probably a lot like the other A's I heard/read about, too.
It made feel better to know I wasn't the only one, of course, but the bigger thing, I think, was that I was then able to listen to and learn from other people's experiences. I knew that "not being the only one" also meant "not a special snowflake", so if other people told me that untreated alcoholism only got worse, it was true--his case was NOT an exception. If other people told me that I needed to stay on my side of the street, it was likely true--I was NOT somehow exempt from that practice.
I'm glad you're going to Alanon and I'm glad you're finding help there. The combination of Alanon and SR was a powerful combo for me, and it sounds like you may find the same. Wishing you strength and clarity!